Dating games

A friend of mine recently suggested I try eHarmony. I informed her that I believe eHarmony is a front for the Antichrist.

For I did try eHarmony a couple years ago. Filled out the 20 page personality test, which was pretty accurate. Below is the rejection letter I received from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, aka, Beelzebub (the bold emphases are mine).

The message you received is used to notify people that they fall outside the range of those we can accurately match with the eHarmony matching service. Let me explain what that means. eHarmony matches people by analyzing their answers to the Relationship Questionnaire in order to accurately match compatible types of people.

The difficulty with this technology is that about 20% do not fit neatly into any of these categories. When that happens we are faced with a dilemma. We can either match them anyway and hope for the best, or not match them. We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we have chosen to not provide service instead of risking an uncertain match.

Please do not take our inability to match you as a reflection of your desirability.

They’re kidding, right? How could one not take this personally? I mean, good grief, I’m not a sociopath. Am I?

Well, apparently I’m not the only one.

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  1. Although your post, and Trillian’s, were very entertaining to read I feel guilty getting a chuckle out of the whole thing. I guess, however, that this is probably the only attitude to have…to not take it too seriously. I do feel bad though. Ultimately it will be a great story to tell at your wedding reception! 🙂

  2. Angela, what do you say? Do you want to fly down to get together with us next Thursday? Free food and lodging…

  3. How awful!!! That’s crazy!

    My curiosity is piqued. I want to fill one of those things out and see what it says about me! I wonder if it would try to hook me up with someone like James…a nice, easy going carpenter, who loves computers and tucks all of his shirts in no matter what!!!!

    Rob, you’re ‘out of the box’ !!!!

  4. I got a good laugh out of Julie’s post….the print is so small on these comments that as I was scanning it I misread the word ‘tucks’ and got an “OH MY!!!” moment!!!

  5. i’m not crazy about eharmony either. i met a great friend thru it, but am pretty much disgusted with the hypocritical way they do their matching.

    i was never matched up with anyone shorter than me (6′).. which they lied & said was just a coincidence when i asked them about it. when the average man is between 5’9″-5’10”, the odds are highly unlikely that i’d never be paired with someone of average height.

    also, i talked with an african-american friend of mine who was never matched with anyone outside his race!.. and i realized i had been matched with most other races (i had put on my profile that it didn’t matter).. asian, indian, middle eastern, etc.. all except for african descent.

    so, you can bet i wouldn’t give them another cent of my money simply for the lies they tell when they say that “looks are not a factor in matching.”


  6. if i didn’t have to take off work, that would be fun… too bad you guys aren’t within driving distance too.

    it would be a blast though.. thanks for the offer, Mary!

  7. Oh, Carl, Carl, Carl…. maybe you need some bifocals!

    I like the bigger print too. It was always difficult for me to read!

    Yes, Rob, ‘out of the box’ is a good thing! Listen to your sister! 😉

  8. Okay, this is my absolute last post (at least in a row). Wouldn’t that be so cool if we could all get together?

  9. That article was interesting . . .

    The author mentioned that Warren had a “messianic tone,” and I agree with that. I feel like he is most certainly trying to play god.

  10. You already know my opinion about these “services,” eHarmony included, so I will refrain from ranting on that now. However, the fact that you did not “neatly fit into any of [their] categories” proves what a great catch you are. If you did, what a bore!

  11. Rob, You are an awesome guy and any wonderfully talented, computer geek, woman would be glad to date you. You are one in a million, or perhaps 1 in 5? hee, hee.

    I am so excited about seeing you and Melissa next week.

    Angela, I am sure that some are happy with eHarmony, but pleeeaase, it does sound a little less than upfront. Just think Carl is shorter than me and we have been married for 16 lovely years.

    P.S. I only say he is shorter, as opposed to I am taller because I was born 8 months before he was so must have preference in many things.:)

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