Dating games

A friend of mine recently suggested I try eHarmony. I informed her that I believe eHarmony is a front for the Antichrist.

For I did try eHarmony a couple years ago. Filled out the 20 page personality test, which was pretty accurate. Below is the rejection letter I received from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, aka, Beelzebub (the bold emphases are mine).

The message you received is used to notify people that they fall outside the range of those we can accurately match with the eHarmony matching service. Let me explain what that means. eHarmony matches people by analyzing their answers to the Relationship Questionnaire in order to accurately match compatible types of people.

The difficulty with this technology is that about 20% do not fit neatly into any of these categories. When that happens we are faced with a dilemma. We can either match them anyway and hope for the best, or not match them. We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we have chosen to not provide service instead of risking an uncertain match.

Please do not take our inability to match you as a reflection of your desirability.

They’re kidding, right? How could one not take this personally? I mean, good grief, I’m not a sociopath. Am I?

Well, apparently I’m not the only one.

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Rob

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Comments

17 responses to “Dating games”

  1. Carl V. Avatar
    Carl V.

    Although your post, and Trillian’s, were very entertaining to read I feel guilty getting a chuckle out of the whole thing. I guess, however, that this is probably the only attitude to have…to not take it too seriously. I do feel bad though. Ultimately it will be a great story to tell at your wedding reception! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    Angela, what do you say? Do you want to fly down to get together with us next Thursday? Free food and lodging…

    Reply
  3. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    Carl, you see what you want to see! (Is the text size better now?)

    Julie, is “out of the box” a good thing?

    Reply
  4. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    How awful!!! That’s crazy!

    My curiosity is piqued. I want to fill one of those things out and see what it says about me! I wonder if it would try to hook me up with someone like James…a nice, easy going carpenter, who loves computers and tucks all of his shirts in no matter what!!!!

    Rob, you’re ‘out of the box’ !!!!

    Reply
  5. Carl V. Avatar
    Carl V.

    I am getting older…maybe something with a font size of 40 would do…

    Reply
  6. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    I can always count on you excitable ladies to give me a morale boost!!!!!!

    😉

    (some inside jokes there)

    Reply
  7. Carl V. Avatar
    Carl V.

    I got a good laugh out of Julie’s post….the print is so small on these comments that as I was scanning it I misread the word ‘tucks’ and got an “OH MY!!!” moment!!!

    Reply
  8. Angela Avatar
    Angela

    i’m not crazy about eharmony either. i met a great friend thru it, but am pretty much disgusted with the hypocritical way they do their matching.

    i was never matched up with anyone shorter than me (6′).. which they lied & said was just a coincidence when i asked them about it. when the average man is between 5’9″-5’10”, the odds are highly unlikely that i’d never be paired with someone of average height.

    also, i talked with an african-american friend of mine who was never matched with anyone outside his race!.. and i realized i had been matched with most other races (i had put on my profile that it didn’t matter).. asian, indian, middle eastern, etc.. all except for african descent.

    so, you can bet i wouldn’t give them another cent of my money simply for the lies they tell when they say that “looks are not a factor in matching.”

    grrr

    Reply
  9. Angela Avatar
    Angela

    if i didn’t have to take off work, that would be fun… too bad you guys aren’t within driving distance too.

    it would be a blast though.. thanks for the offer, Mary!

    Reply
  10. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    Oh and thanks for fixing my spelling error again. I don’t want to know how many times I get edited!

    Reply
  11. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    Oh, Carl, Carl, Carl…. maybe you need some bifocals!

    I like the bigger print too. It was always difficult for me to read!

    Yes, Rob, ‘out of the box’ is a good thing! Listen to your sister! 😉

    Reply
  12. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    Okay, this is my absolute last post (at least in a row). Wouldn’t that be so cool if we could all get together?

    Reply
  13. Melissa Avatar
    Melissa

    That article was interesting . . .

    The author mentioned that Warren had a “messianic tone,” and I agree with that. I feel like he is most certainly trying to play god.

    Reply
  14. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    update: interview with Dr. Neil

    Reply
  15. Melissa Avatar
    Melissa

    You already know my opinion about these “services,” eHarmony included, so I will refrain from ranting on that now. However, the fact that you did not “neatly fit into any of [their] categories” proves what a great catch you are. If you did, what a bore!

    Reply
  16. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    Rob, You are an awesome guy and any wonderfully talented, computer geek, woman would be glad to date you. You are one in a million, or perhaps 1 in 5? hee, hee.

    I am so excited about seeing you and Melissa next week.

    Angela, I am sure that some are happy with eHarmony, but pleeeaase, it does sound a little less than upfront. Just think Carl is shorter than me and we have been married for 16 lovely years.

    P.S. I only say he is shorter, as opposed to I am taller because I was born 8 months before he was so must have preference in many things.:)

    Reply
  17. ElectroLund » Insert Girlfriend Here

    […] Last weekend’s Denver Post had a funny article about online dating called “Spontaneity Need Not Apply” by Vic Vogler. He expresses some familiar dissatisfaction with the online dating experience. It’s possible that it’s only funny to those that have lived the foibles of online dating, how it has a way of positively removing bad choices, but adversely sapping the element of chance. Vogler sagely notes, “Being open to love is different from chasing it.” […]

    Reply

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