For a brief few weeks over a year ago, I was gauging my life in a literal fashion, where others might keep such internal dialogs to themselves. As Homer Simpson adroitly described the phenomenon:

I said the loud parts quiet and the quiet parts out loud.

At least that’s the most eloquent way I can put a rather odd and somewhat embarrassing page of my past: the Life Meters.

First, a little history. One day, I found this funny little plastic thing at work that resembled a meter hand. It was like an epiphany of sorts: there before me, sat a lightning rod of revelation. So I punched a hole in my hollow office door and mounted the bare plastic meter hand. But something was obviously missing. What was this meter hand pointing to? What’s a meter without a set of tick marks to gauge the hand’s progress from one point to another? Indeed.


So, straightaway I set to making these bizarre backings to which the meter hand could point. What can I say? It was a late night. The meters themselves were, rather uninterestingly, divided into 5 scales on a half-circle pie chart. There were a whole series of them: Rob’s Eligibility Meter, Rob’s Attitude Meter, Rob’s Salary Meter, Rob’s Religio-meter, all interchangeable. Of course, the tick marks on the meters contained text explaining the position of the hand. They were thusly:

Rob’s Attitude Meter:

  1. This sucks!
  2. Life is a half-empty cup
  3. I’m even-Steven
  4. Life is a half-full cup
  5. Wow, life is great all the time!

Rob’s Religio-Meter:

  1. Damned sinner
  2. Loves himself too much
  3. Lukewarm
  4. Loves others & God as himself
  5. Holy perfection

Rob’s Salary Meter:

  1. I’m broke
  2. I could use a little more
  3. Bills = wages
  4. I have all that I need
  5. I’m rich

Rob’s Eligibility Meter:

  1. Repulsive, broke, and stupid
  2. Educated but lost in the crowd
  3. Average, everyday Joe
  4. Witty and stands above the rest
  5. Tall, dark, and handsome

And for a few weeks, depending on my mood at the time, the meter would be pointing to various positions. But after mining this interesting little facet for all it was worth, I retired the Life Meters.

Perhaps I will devise a more interesting and quantitative method of measuring my life’s worth someday. Hopefully, this wondrous new machine will be electronic and whirr with lights and buzzers. That would be novel!

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  1. You must’ve had too much time on your hands! 🙂

    Seriously though, I think occasionally self-evaluation is good as long as you also include looking through the lense of the Word while doing the examination.

    I don’t know if you really need something to evaluate your life’s worth….I think Someone already has done that for you…but it would be fun to have a set up like this with bells and whistles….maybe also with the occasional burst of steam coming out of it and the occasional spastic movement that would lead one to believe that the machine was about to blow!

  2. rob- i am absolutely laughing out loud right now. i love this post.

    it’s been a long week (moving, traveling, etc.) and i must say that a good laugh was just what i needed.



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