A Revelation

I’m not one to ever boast prophetic revelations. I’m just not wired that way. However…

I believe that I heard from God.

Now when I say “heard”, I don’t mean:

  • a loud booming voice
  • a ray of Pauline light
  • a talking donkey
  • a burning bush
  • a pillar of fire
  • a following cloud

What I do mean is, well, less dramatic than all of that. It’s more vague and ethereal. But it’s no less true, that I’m sure. Here’s what my experience has in common with all of those Old Testament experiences:

It was experiential.

Sounds redundant, doesn’t it? But I don’t think that it is. The point is, it happened to me, and I’m sure that the timing of the revelation, the happenstance of it, the uncanny relevance for me at that moment… it was real. Haven’t felt that kind of personal certainty with regards to my faith in a long time.

So what happened? I got an answer.

As most of you know, the focus of my blog has changed to reflect the change in my life. Moving to Colorado is the surface of that change. It’s more of an internal change though.

Rewind to mid-July. I was offered the chance to join Liteye in Colorado. Talk about flattering! But there was a lot to leave behind in Dallas. I owed them a response by the following weekend, and quite frankly, I was sick with worry and doubt. Was I really the right person? Did I have it in me? How would I ever find a core group of friends that could ever measure up to those in Dallas?

So I went out driving.

I ended up at a church I don’t attend. I asked one of the weekend workers if I could pray in the lobby. He let me in with a smile. I found a quiet sofa to myself and opened my dusty bible. It’s one of my favorites, The Message paraphrase. Here’s what I turned to on a whim — yes, as cheesy as that sounds:

Psalm 32:1) Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be – you get a fresh start, your slate’s wiped clean. Count yourself lucky – God holds nothing against you and you’re holding nothing back from him.

Wow! Yeah, ok, that’s me. I kept reading…

3) When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became day-long groans. The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up. Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.”

At this point, I couldn’t hold it back. I just sat there crying. You see, I had all this decision-making pent up inside me, stressing me out. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think. I didn’t know what to do. You see how many “I”s are this paragraph? That was the problem. I kept reading…

5) Suddenly the pressure was gone – my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared. These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray; when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts we’ll be on high ground, untouched.

Again, wow. Yeah, that was what I felt, like I finally could just be broken before God, powerless to deduce the correct answer, and just give up. I felt at the end of my rope. And I think that’s where God wanted me to be. But look at this:

7) God’s my island hideaway, keeps danger far from the shore, throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.

My God, isn’t that an incredible image? How undeserved such lavishing! I can’t tell you how comforting that was. I had felt so alone for so long, which is very ironic, given that I was in a city with many friends and family members. Why should I feel alone? Probably for much the same reason you can feel alone in a crowded room? Whatever the reason, I believe God was telling me that it’s ok to be brokenhearted and risk telling Him about it. More encouragement:

33:22) Love us, God, with all you’ve got – that’s what we’re depending on.
34:4) God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.
34:17) Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;

The interesting thing about that day in the lobby of the church I didn’t attend, was that I didn’t get my answer. At least not the answer to the Big Question that so clouded my mind all week long. I wasn’t given a clarion signal or neon sign message to GO TO COLORADO, or STAY IN DALLAS. Nope.

But I was given hope. I was given peace and rest. It was ok to rest with God and tell Him that I couldn’t make this decision on my own. I needed to be pushed in one direction or the other.

The adventure continues…

13 Replies to “A Revelation”

  1. Rob, that is just awesome. When you call out to God for help, He will answer. God communicates with us in so many different ways. He has never failed to give me direction during hard times. We don’t always get quiet enough to hear Him.

    Randomly opening the Bible is a great way to see if God has something special for you. I know Julie and I have done that many times. More often than not, the verses I turn to apply. The whole book is His word anyway, I think the chances are pretty big that you will hear something you need.

    It is very exciting to see what is happening in your life. I know that all of us here in KC are excited for you and are involved (maybe in emotion and prayer only) in this journey you are taking.

  2. Very cool, Rob.

    My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Psalm 34:2

    Thanks for sharing your God sightings. Your testimony builds our faith up as you share your experiences!

    Great scriptures for me to meditate on today!

  3. Hi Rob,
    I just read your blog. As always I am touched by your writing and sentiments. Watching you progress through this process of decision has been great. Even though it probably wasn’t feeling so great for you during a lot of the time. I am slowly seeing a light in you that I feel has been dim for awhile. God is always walking with us, we just have to slow down and let Him be the guide.
    Are you experiencing a Rocky Mountain High today!! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Makes me hum John Denver’s song! la, la, lalalaaaa… Hee Hee. Have a super week!
    Lynda

  4. very cool!
    i had a very similar experience last week while working on homework for my masters class… i had been considering dropping out & doing a transition to teaching course instead.. but i felt God telling me to stay with the masters program. i have a calling to youth ministry, so i need to be faithful.
    of course, i’m still completely clueless about the job situation.. but at least i have a few options!

  5. Rob,

    You said you didn’t get your answer in the lobby of the church, but I’m sure I remember you telling me that afternoon that you were going to be praying more for peace than for the decision itself. I believe God gave you exactly what you asked for, and it was exactly what you needed at the time.

    It’s really exciting to see the Colorado adventure that you’re on, but even cooler to see the spiritual journey that supports it!

  6. Hey all my beautiful friends!

    Thanks for the cool comments. They sure mean a lot lately.

    Jeff, you’re right, I should have made that more clear. The answer I was expecting, that burning bush declaration to go one way or the other, came much later.
    But what I prayed for, I got in spades: peace.

    Lynda, the view up here is great!

    Ang, that’s so cool about your youth work. That’s such a key time for kids, you know? I remember looking up so highly to my youth pastors. Great opportunities for good there.

    James & Jules, you guys are such great encouragement. I love how sincere you kids are. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Lol!

    Hey, you ready for some real smiles?

    I can email them to you. Some are, less than appropriate for here, but most are really cool.

  8. This is the first from me on your site bud. I know you’ve been waiting.

    You are envied by a lot of people for being able to follow dreams and opportunities. Singleness is a blessing and I feel somewhat of a gift from God. Paul writes that he wished all his audience were single so they could devote more time to the commission if that were possible. Colorado is a wilderness in so many ways. Feel lucky you have a job that affords you to live there, I hear it is quite expensive. It is amazing that the longer I live the more I hear of God impressing on people to change or get out of their comfort-rut. I too have heard the call of God to make a change, however being married with 5 in the home I need more than just an “impression”. As a friend once put it, “Panama, God? I’m going to need to see some I.D.” I hear you have studied Wild at Heart. You are truly there in the author’s backyard. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you there and I know you will find your purpose.

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